Schade.nfreu.de

As I get ever-so-slightly older, I notice the clichéd trappings of age progression start to occur. Often, I will find myself walking into a room without a clue as to why, finding strange bills I forgot (ignored), and sometimes I’ll even struggle to remember how old I am (not really, but I did forget about my birthday until two days before when my mom called).

But one of the advantages of getting older is a growing certitude that, regardless of what position I hold or what issue it’s in reference to, I am RIGHT. Most teenagers go through a certain phase where they believe they know everything; then, after a semester or so of college and an intro to philosophy class “blowing my freaking mind, dude,” they realize they don’t know a damn thing. This phase has a tendency to last almost until the end of college, when external validation in the guise of a diploma is imparted to them, thus confirming their status as adults in the real world.

I, of course, saw right through this. I knew I was no adult, certification be damned. But after being exposed to the “real world” for a few months, personally experiencing adult-esque themes like paying rent, worrying about electric bills, and concocting a deliciously elaborate plot to murder the dogs in the apartment below me to silence their incessant barking, I feel secure in the knowledge that I know better than everyone else.

My condolences to you, for not being me.

It behooves me, therefore, to give you a few pointers, hints, tips and tricks so that you may one day dream of reaching my exalted plateau. Pity it will remain just that, a dream.

Actually, I wanted to clear out the dust in my brain with a few great honking lists and couldn’t think of a decent way to tie it all together. Thus, this.

Things I’ve been hearing too much about

The Tea Party – Anymore, political discourse isn’t dominated so much (read:ever) by the issues or challenges facing our country, but rather the political fallout of something or other. Following the president’s State of the Union speech, the 30-odd people in the CNN CRISIS PENTAGON were more concerned about how badly the Republicans’ feelings were hurt because they were “lectured” to, rather than the utter lack of anything useful said in the speech. I’m beginning to wonder if the 24-hour news cycle isn’t creating a sort of feedback loop for those in power in the same way that MTV’s always-on access to nubile coeds and frat-boy studs created a loop that spawned the rise of the Douchebag as the prototypical college student.

Consider way back in the 1980s, when MTV first came on the air. Though Spring Break had existed in one form or another, it was nowhere near the commoditized debauchery machine it is now. MTV started sending out cameras and letting college and high school students know exactly what the “top” partiers looked like. They appeared to be having fun, they appeared to be having sex, and – most importantly – they appeared on TV. Thus was an archetype firmly embedded into the mind of every wannabe cool kid, who immediately set out to do the same thing. More cameras rolled up the next year, documenting even more of the same thing, which in turn impressed itself upon a new crop, ad infinitum.

Anytime anything even remotely important or “seemingly” important (bunch of whack-jobs get together in Tennessee to say loony things), the news channels cover it because, well, what else are they gonna do? Then the other side or the opposition has to issue a reaction to it, and the news covers that, and there’s a retaliation, etc. The only problem is, nobody in the real world (people who are actually doing things) has time to digest all of that, or even become aware of most of it. As a result, we only catch the outliers, the truly outlandish crap that arises from people issuing a flurry of responses and counter-responses without thinking about it too much (or the sensible statements that can be taken out of context and misinterpreted). A subject that manages to be outrageous enough to last more than one day is then presented to the public writ large, which passes a collective kidney stone about it. This creates the need for politicians to speak out, and we’re off to the races.

Did I just compare MTV and Spring Break to cable news and Congress? Yes I did. Now guess which set of institutions has had a bigger impact on your life thus far. Disappointing, no?

Amazon/eBooks/MacMillan – For those of you who haven’t sunk a couple hundred books into an ebook reader, I’ll fill you in. Apple, in an attempt to wrest control of the digital book market from Amazon, signed agreements with publishing companies to allow them to sell ebooks for $12.99-14.99 as opposed to the Amazonian standard of $9.99. The publishers (Macmillan first, then others) demanded Amazon do the same, changing their agreements with the conglomerate to an “agency” model where the publisher gets to set the price, and the seller gets a set fee.

This will obviously have an impact on how ebooks are priced as well as the impending revolution of ebooks to pbooks (“print books”). While some people are convinced print books will never die and ebooks are the devil, the rest of us are mostly looking for whatever’s cheapest. Any number of prognostications, prophecies and seances have been spouted proclaiming the death of this and that, or the fall of one empire or another. The fact of the matter, this market was still in its experimental stages as it was. Now that they’re trying to redefine it, nobody really has a clue what’s going to happen. And since the publishers have made it very clear they don’t really care about the readers (in letter after letter, conference after conference, they’ve defined their customers as wholesalers, resellers and bookstores – never the reader), it really doesn’t even do any good for readers to make threats or try and force ultimatums. Once the publishers realize we customers (who enjoy reading) have a tendency to read the news and find out what they’re saying about us, maybe they’ll realize we’re kind of the people they should be selling to. But since very few of them have even figured out to start up their own ebook stores, well, I doubt it will happen in the near future.

Things I probably didn’t hear enough about

Alito’s Rebuke – I capitalized both words in that because I believe Justice Samuel Alito’s shaking of his head and muttering during the State of the Union constitute an Event that will have lasting repercussions. Despite history’s ability to rose-tint every era before the present one, people have largely considered the Supreme Court to be above the realm of politics. Sure, they may not have liked every decision handed down and considered some courts to be more liberal or conservative than others, but there was a sense that the Supreme Court was above the fray. Jeffrey Toobins argues this came to a crashing end in Bush v. Gore (2000), when the Court decided to inject itself in a political situation.

I disagree. Certainly Bush v. Gore didn’t help, but I don’t think you can attribute the erosion of the court’s independence solely to the one case. Ever since Roe v. Wade came down, the Supreme Court has been seen as a place where you can go to get laws passed regardless of what the majority of the country thinks or would vote for. But it’s not even Roe v. Wade. Brown v. Board, forced busing and desegregation in general first affected real change at the hands of the Court, at a time when many Americans were opposed.  Then Roe v. Wade came along and changed the established rule of the land, followed in succession by things like Blackmun’s famous dissents in Bowers v. Hardwick (regarding homosexuality) and Callins v. Collins (announcing he found the death penalty unconstitutional). Though the death penalty is still effective, many trumpet Blackmun’s dissent as proof that the death penalty should be abolished. Bowers was overturned in Lawrence v. Texas, when the court found that laws banning homosexual sodomy were unconstitutional. More currently, California’s Proposition 8 is currently being challenged in state courts, a case that many expect to see elevated to the Supremes regardless of who wins, as one of the true constitutional tests of laws banning gay marriage.

Since Roe, really, the Supreme Court has become increasingly politicized. In the 80s, the Evangelical movement rose to political prominence almost solely on the basis of electing officials who would put the “right” (sweet pun) judges in office. This, in turn, energized the left to do the same, resulting first in the contentious nomination hearings (Bork, Thomas, etc.), followed quickly by the useless nomination hearings, where all judges phrase their responses by saying, “I never judge a hypothetical case.” Even though everyone with a functioning brain knows exactly how they’re likely to rule. Now every single nomination becomes a partisan battle, because neither side wants the other to get the upper hand. Even when a relative centrist is chosen (to the anger of the relative base of the party of whose President is in power), the other side swings into action and attacks them for everything and anything under the sun. Both sides do it.

And the Court has suffered significantly for it. By ruling as it did in Bush v. Gore, the Court openly signaled its willingness to adopt a political agenda. This goes for the left side of the Court as well as the Right. I held a somewhat dismal view of retired Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, who actively tried to judge what impact rulings would have on the populace at large. I always assumed that political expediency should never trump the law or what was right, but I’m starting to appreciate her nuanced approach. The trouble with always trying to do the right thing is that, in a political climate such as ours, doing so will inevitably be judged evil by one half of the country or another – regardless of whether it’s true (*cough* Citizen’s United *cough*). But too much outrage can foment outlandish and tragic acts, such as the murder of abortion clinic doctor George Tiller, or inciting people to actively speak of rebellion against the United States for slights so imagined as to be nonsensical (read coverage of the Tea Party convention).

It’s a fine needle that must be threaded, but the current Court certainly seems to have no compunction ignoring it. Alito’s Rebuke, like the “You Lie!” outburst before it, exemplifies a deterioration of not only decorum and common courtesy, but also of common sense. We already know how Alito felt about the ruling; he got to vote, sign the majority opinion as well as a concurrence. That’s where his role ends. By not only upstaging (slightly) Obama during a speech, but also inserting himself into what is, at base, an intensely political speech, Alito served to further undermine the Court’s political independence as well as its perception among the populace. Jon Stewart made fun of it, and it was briefly mentioned on a few post-speech analysts. Most ignored it in favor of the Republican response, or how the Democrats felt.

Usage scenarios for the iPad - After the jokes about the name died down (which took all of two days, even though numerous analysts were predicting the name would kill it), technology prognosticators settled into their traditional role when new Apple devices are announced: press release printers. We got to hear about how the accessory manufacturers were hard at work designing the latest cases and attachments. The software developers were hastily scrambling to put together applications that would really take advantage of the iPad’s capabilities (translation: they would upscale graphics from their iPhone apps). And all the while, everyone waited eagerly for new pictures, videos, or information about the internals of the new gizmo, spending the intervening time arguing about whether the price was too high, the data service rates were too high/low, or whether Verizon was pissed.

Nobody bothered to tell me where I might actually use this $500 piece of wonderful.

I have a laptop. When out and about, I use it for typing things out, surfing the Internet, and … well, that’s about it. I have a desktop computer that sits at home and carries my main workload – typing, Photoshop, internetting, whatever. I have a cell phone that makes calls and sends text messages. And I have an iPod Touch that plays music, has a bunch of cool apps in case I get bored, and surfs the internet in a pinch when none of the other devices are available.

What, exactly, will the iPad replace? It’s not good enough for typing to replace my laptop. If I wanted a smaller thing to replace my laptop, I’d buy a netbook, which is cheaper and can do more things than the iPad. It certainly can’t replace my desktop or my phone, because it doesn’t have the right capabilities. And I’m not going to carry it around to listen to music to, so my Touch is still coming with me …

Then what?

There are those who will argue that I’m not the type of person the iPad is designed for, because I’m a hardcore tech user. This may be true, or at least it would be, if the iPod were a consumer device at a consumer price ($250-300). It’s not. Its current price point is one that only people with a definite need will use. Sure, there will be those who buy it thinking they can replace their laptops or whatever, but they’re not going to be able to. If they were, they would have bought into the netbook craze. Even though the iPad won’t technically be competing against netbooks, it still has to exist on a planet where that market has already made a significant number of purchases. Now, undoubtedly the thing will sell like crackcakes (crack pancakes) when it’s released, but I think you’re going to see the same people buying it as buying 3D-TVs; that is, people who like technology for technology’s sake and have the disposable income to throw on purchases like that.

Things I’m doing almost entirely out of spite for one reason or another

Buying a tablet PC – I’m giving serious consideration to buying an old tablet PC (~1.7 Ghz Pentium M machine) off eBay and using it for the same things I can envision using the iPad – reading comic books and playing with a touchscreen. Disadvantages: No multi-touch, no app store, 3-hour battery life as opposed to “10″ (I’ll believe it when I see it). Advantages: Currently about $300 cheaper than the base iPad, runs Windows 7 (and subsequently, all its apps), bigger screen, stylus included, bigger hard drive, faster processor, built-in keyboard (not Bluetooth).

Not reading the blogs of people who Tweet them – I like reading blogs. My Google Reader provides me with more than 300 posts a day from various sites I enjoy. Since I enjoy reading what they write on their blog, I follow many of them on Twitter, at least those who don’t obsessively update 20+ times a day (@sportsguy33 is the worst offender I know of). But there are those people who use Twitter as an RSS feed, updating me on their blogs. This, to me, kind of defeats the point of Twitter, which is instant, short communication. If I wanted longer, I’d go to your blog. Oh wait, I do. Well, I did, anyway. Now, if I see a post title on Twitter, I’ll consciously avoid it in the Reader as well as not clicking on their link. It’s petty, I know, but that’s how I roll. Use your technologies properly.

Taking free trials and remembering to cancel them - In case this relentless screed about nothing in particular didn’t tip you off, I’ve a fair bit of downtime on my hands. Sure, I can always fill it with something, but lately I’ve been getting into the habit of signing up for free trials for things just so I can cancel them later. It doesn’t cost me any money, I keep meticulous track of when the dates of the trial are over, and I’m costing companies money on both the products/services I use as well as the money they pay their customer support reps to keep me on when I cancel. Beware the idle mind of an idle person.

Ignore people who randomly bold and italicize things – I use character formatting for two reasons: to specifically emphasize something, or to set it apart in formatting, as with this list. But I’ve been reading marketing stuff a lot lately when studying up for work, and I notice a lot of people have a tendency to randomly bold short phrases as a shorthand in case people are too lazy to read the whole thing. The Stranger goes a bit overboard at times, but they generally keep it under control. There are, however, some people bolding every few words or so, thus not only defeating the point but also coming across like they can’t tell what’s important in what they’re writing, or else they think every fucking word they commit to the Internet was written with an electronic fountain pen dipped in Jesus’ blood. It’s not. And when I come across people who think too highly of themselves, I have a tendency to completely skip the page, so as not to waste my time.